The opposite of sacrifice is self-love.

Listening to yourself is an act of self-love, peace, and holistic harmony. 

I reasoned with myself.

Feeling scared, I tossed all the pillows and blankets in the center of my living room. I finally sat to chat with myself. In came the fear like a wave of envy, doubt, and past failures to remind me of the risk, all at the same time.

I was going to let everybody down. I wouldn't be enough and trusting my instincts or overcoming the fear to share my story with women would not amount to anything. How can I make this a living? I must be realistic.

What a tired story, the same thing over and over. Whenever I have gotten to a place of “yes” I talk myself down, for what? To stay “safe”?

This is not a bargain, I have to admit this is a sacrifice, I can only win when I put others first, that is what my life has been about, right?

I kept hearing over and over in my head the reasons for not doing it, not saying yes to myself. Acknowledging the work to even allow the fear I finally heard myself in the honest truth of it, I was afraid to even see what I wanted from fear was to protect me from disappointment, that I would lose ‘it’ before I had ‘it’. 

Calmer now having recognized this insight, my breathing became deep and still. 

I remembered what I believe in, love.

I remembered who I am, a woman of integrity, passion, and instinct. 

I saw what I actually wanted was to love myself first and to share this message with women.

To stand for courageous women that’s exactly what I've always dreamed of, yet I was not stopping to love myself first to emulate.

To appreciate and allow the fear and the pace to be whatever I need it to be. 

As a recovering doer, a lot of my life was about pushing past things, that’s how I succeeded.

But, not having these moments to realize what it is you're running away from, courageously face it and learn how to check-in can lead you hundreds of miles off course before you even realize you’re going the wrong way.

What was in the way of me hearing ‘I love you’ was the striving and belief that I'm some way in control of what's going to happen here. 

That in some way I can push life forward. 

We are always in motion, every second. 

And yes, to have a plan is a beautiful container for yourself, but plans don't teach you to listen, you do that work.

So my invitation to you? 

Take a moment to breathe, keep breathing, breathe through all the crap, sift through the ‘this is stupid, a waste of time’, and give yourself a chance to arrive right where you are.